In generations past, “the talk” typically referred to discussing the birds and bees with our children. In my husband’s case it consisted of, “keep it in your pants son.”
Today, a different conversation has become equally essential yet remains shrouded in similar discomfort: discussing aging and end-of-life plans with our loved ones.
Many Americans avoid planning. This reluctance stems from our culture’s tendency to avoid aging and mortality. When attempts are made to initiate these conversations, they’re often met with resistance, deflection, or postponement from family members who find the topic distressing.
The reality remains unchanged: we will all age, and eventually, we will die. We face a choice – actively participate in planning for these inevitable life stages or avoid the subject entirely. Choosing avoidance doesn’t prevent these events; it simply transfers decision-making power to others. Life and death happen whether family members are unprepared for the responsibility or court systems with no personal connection or understanding of your wishes get involved.
The benefits to those who choose proactive planning, are substantial. Detailed conversations about aging in place allows families to explore options that maintain independence and dignity. Discussing the distribution of personal possessions prevents family conflicts during an already emotional time. Creating and sharing information about wills, advance directives, and funeral preferences ensures your wishes are honored.
As someone who has always valued planning, I’ve dedicated time to understanding the available options. This journey even led me to become certified as an end-of-life doula. I provide support, information, and guidance to those facing life transitions. This experience has shown me how much peace of mind comes from having plans in place.
Starting “the talk” doesn’t require addressing everything at once. Begin with smaller conversations about values and preferences. Share articles or resources that have helped you understand the options. Consider involving a neutral third party like a financial advisor, attorney, or death doula who can professionally guide the conversation.
Remember that planning for aging and end-of-life isn’t morbid—it’s a profound gift to your loved ones. It spares them difficult decisions during emotional times and provides clarity when needed. By breaking the taboo around these conversations, we can transform “the talk” from something dreaded into an empowering act of love and responsibility.
Let me tell you the time is now. Putting off the inevitable makes it harder.
Jill Wisehart, EOLD, Life Transition Specialist. (720) 778-1827, https://exitelegantly.com
